From Marik's point of view
by Yume Setsuna
Summary: A week in the life of the crazy Egyptian! Madness, yaoi, and fruit smoothies! WARNING: contains dead squirrels and a very evil, yet still friendly, Anzu! Oh the insanity. [BakuraMarik] FINALLY COMPLETE R&R please
1. le beginning I say!

Summary: just really random things in Marik's day. Inspired by boredom, and myself, for doing wierd random things during a whole week.  
  
Before we begin I would like to make a small note. Now stop throwing things at me and read it!! Or just scroll down. Its not that hard. Ok, like I was saying some of the things, well...alot of the things that happened in this story I acually did. Like, hating squirrels, and the smoothie thing. I love my inspiration. Thank you for your time, please enjoy this randomly wierd fanfiction.

Oh yea...disclaimers...AHEM I do not own smoothie mix anymore and I do not own Yu-gi-oh, or else I would be turning them all gay and Anzu would be dead by now. The only thing I own now is this bucket of fudge ice cream, which I bought for 5. 36 in the grocery store.

_Saturday 7:13 a.m._

Mariks POV:

_bleep...bleep...bleep...bleep..._

"Bakura turn off that adamned alarm clock," I mumbled. _I hate mornings, I can't think straight. My thoughts are more...curvy like...spatula's or something.  
_"What alarm clock?" Bakura said.  
_Oh no wait...we don't have an alarm clock. Probably my head or...WHY IS IT SO EARLY!?  
_I snuggled back under the covers. _Stupid..head...clock thing. Should kill it. Throw it at some...thin._

_It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds we're singing, and the squirrels were chattering endlessly. Mostly the sun was shining...right in my face. The dammed birds we're chirping endlessly. Agh! I can't stand it. _

"Shut up you adamned things!!" _I yelled out the window and chucked the nearest thing at them. Which just happened to be one of Bakura's dagger things. Well, at least thats what i thought it was. Anyway, it hit the nearest squirrel which fell out of the tree and started twitching violently. Oh well, one problem taken care of. Now I need to have Isis go make me breakfast. _

"It's a beautiful morning!! ISIS!! WHERE'S THE COFFEE!!" _I need coffee, coffee makes me run. Without my coffee I am a pile of uncoffeeless pile. Yes, I depend on Isis for everything. Well, almost everything. Why do I depend on her? **I don't know**.  
It's cold in this house. Why is it cold? **I don't know**. It's already late summer, and cold! Oh look here comes Isis..._

"Why don't you make your own coffee for once? It's not that hard and you don't have to get me up at seven in the morning...stupid freeloader," she said and started making coffee.

_Coffee! My sweet coffee!! I'm not a freeloader. But who cares about that, I'm busy ranting about coffee!!_

3 minutes later

_COOOOOOOOOOFFFFFEEEEEE!! Caffinated. Isis should really learn not to give me caffinated beverages. I guess she doesn't know they make me crazy. Or, well, I'm already crazy so it would'nt make much of a difference. Why wouldnt it make a difference? **I don't know**.  
Bakura comes down the stairs. I laugh at him. He's got funky bed head. It's like a white mass of...fluff. Which isn't like Bakura to be fluffy. I find myself poking his fluffyness. It's just so fluffy...and...out there. Like something fluffy.  
_"Get off my head," he growls.  
_OooOOoOoOoOoOooooooOOoh...Kura's angry! He's not a morning person as I can tell. What is the correct defintion..thing...for morning person? I will never know. I've got to figure out something to do today. Isis is mumbling something about kicking me out again, which means I'd have to live at Ryou's house. If Bakura isnt angry at me too. Then I'd go...somewhere. I havent thought that out quite yet. Oh I wonder if we have Oreo's. _

_I have found myself on the computer. Computery...Isis taught me how to use it. I pity her. Not really, MUAHAHAHA!! There's this thing called MSN instant messaging. See I memorized it! It's got all these people I despise but know on it who have nothing better to do than talk to eachother. Yea, that'd be me. Isis thinks I'm crazy. So does Kura though. Which makes things even out like pavement. Does pavement even out? **I don't know**.  
_3 hours and a bag of chips later

_I'm now playing a fun game Isis likes to call 'mope around the house saying your bored every few seconds just to annoy the shit out of your sister and your boyfriend'. It's quite a fun game but it seems I never win. Or else if getting kicked out is winning, then I've won every time. Isis suggests a go out and have a healthy relationship with some woman. No thanks...women scare me. Especially that Anzu chick. I wish I could beat her head in with a stick...repeatedly...over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again! Till she bleeds! Then throw her in the ocean for the fishies to eat. Mabye they don't want to eat her though, she's icky. Besides, Kura works fine for me. We go together like uh...jelly beans. He doesnt like me at sometimes, which means that him and Isis work together to kick me out, but deep down he loves me! Like his hair, fluffy like. _

_I think Isis is only minutes away from kicking me out, which means I should quit my game and do something with myself. Does jacking off in the shower count? Eh, obviously not._

_Hey I got kicked out. WOOT!! So did Bakura!! Hug time! O-o or not. Kura's yelling at me now. _

"We could always go to Ryou's. He's got food. Then again most of my stuff is there," Kura says.  
"Or we could just sit out here and kill things till she leaves," I suggest.

"Didn't you kill a squirrel this morning?" He looks at me evilly.  
"Uh, yea I think I did, but I'm not really sure cause I didn't have my coffee yet."

"Sure..."

_Kura went to go get his knife/dagger thing out of the squirrel. Oh ra I was in trouble. I'm not allowed to touch Kura's stuff. Well, only a few things. evil snicker Now back to the fact that Bakura's got that evil look in his eye and is slowly, yes I said slowly, walking twards me. Why is he slowly, yes I said slowly, walking twards me? **I don**...no wait I think I do know! No, wait...no I don't. _

4 hours and a rotting squirrel later

_Isis finally let us back in the house. She felt sorry for me. Or maybe it was the squirrel. I don't know, but she went out to this strange art exhibit thing. Which left me, hungry, and looking for something fruity to eat, since I had been on the computer, staring at this bowl of fruit. I think Isis calls it a saver screen or something. I'm desperately searching through the fridge. Mayo,cheese, eggs, butter, coke, somethin moldly...nope, nothing fruity. I wonder if Bakura can cook? I won't ask. There's Mr. Clean magic erasers underneath the cubord. I wonder if they taste any good. Last time I ate windex though, Kura and Isis put me on medication. shudders (1)_

_OH HAPPY DAY!! I found some frozen..splurshie? Slurpie...spur...moth...SLUSHIE! No wait thats not it either. smo...smoothie thats it.(2) I found frozen smoothie mix in the freezer. It has pictures of fruit on it, so I'm sure it tastes fruity. Yet again, I can't cook, nor even make myself a bowl of cereal. But I would prevail at this!! What does prevail mean? **I don't know.** (3)_

_Instructions: dump whole bag into bowl...check! Add packet of mix to bowl..check! But what the crap is this white stuff? It looks like crack or maybe some illegal drug..(4) oh well, step three...add 2 cups of water to bowl. Uh...how much is two cups? and of water? Time to bounce over to Kura!! _

_Kura doesnt know either. And the lady who's writing this fic doens't include him enough!! (a/n: IM SO SORRY!! cries I can't do Bakura very well. Other than when he's being really evil!) Uh, I found this one thing called a measure cup. I think it could do with a cup. But I can't read so I don't think it does. How did I read directions and not the measure cup? Well, its simple acually. Sometimes the gods feel really sorry for me cause I'm so crazy, so sometimes they insert intellegent thoughts into my mind so I can funtion relyably for a few seconds. In other words **I don't know**._

_Filling up the measure cup. Hehe! I rhymed. If it weren't for my wierd sadistic side that kills squirrels, Kura would have killed me a looooong time ago. Or not. Ok cup is filled to 2 cups. So I pour it in the bowl. Next step!! Blend until fruit is mixed into mulch. What the crap is mulch? I guess I blend it till it looks like slop. Or mulch. _

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHA!! DIE EVIL FRUIT DIE!!!!" I yell.  
"MARIK SHUT UP!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?" Kura's not a happy camper.

"Nothing kura-KUN!"

_Die fruit die!! ehehehhe!!! This is kindof fun acually, if I didn't get fruit crap all over the...everywhere. I think Kura's mad. Well, worse than usual. I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight. I just know it. _

the fruit smoothies are done!! somewhat...

_Yup, even though this is Isis's house, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. It's not that bad. I've got my smoothie thing!! It tastes yummy too, so I stuck it in the freezer. Bakura threw out my yummy cup of the stuff, so I stole all his clothes while he was taking a shower. That led into him tying me upside down from the ceiling fan, which led to me giving out Yami blackmail, which led to him killing my pet kitty, which led to me duct taping him to the couch, which led to him putting me in the freezer, which basically led to us making out on the couch. (5)_

_Isis came home and yelled at me again. So now I have to clean the kitchen. Scrubbing the dishies is quite fun, I even got to eat a Mr. Clean eraser thing. They taste like foam. How do I know what foam tastes like? **I don't know**. _

_11:23 pm_

_I'm sleeping on the couch, SLEEPIN ON THE COUCH!! Singin to myself! Yes, I get to sleep on the couch, and now I'm suddenly getting a craving for that fruit crap. There is no spoon. Acually there is, its right in front of me. I've been watching the matrix all night now, since I get to sleep on the couch. Ehehhehe. You know, I learned now not to freeze things. Its hard as a rock!! gaaaaaah!! Or other hard things that are hard! Waiting waiting...this stuff isnt going to melt. Maybe if I glare a little harder. grrr...no that just gives me a headache. So I guess I need to start scraping. _

bang...bang...bang..bang...bang...bang...bang...ban...g....

_my spoon broke. I shall need a new one!! _

bang bangbangbangbang...bang...bang....

_It looks like raw meat now. Skishy raw meat that Kura would eat. haha! More rhyme! I'm gonna pound it with my hand now, cause the spoon aint working._

a freezerburned hand later

_My hand is freezerburned. oh well I get yummy fruity stuff! _

"What are you doing," _I hear a voice strangely similar to Bakura's behind me asking me what I'm doing. Odd._

"Nothing," _I reply ever so inocently!_

_Ahem, next thing I know, the bowl is on the floor and I'm going to end up really sore in the morning. The bowl sat on the floor, untouched, and still with frozen goo in it. I guess I'll leave it for in the morning, I'm 'busy' now, leave a message after the manical laughter. And if this is Yami, I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!_

_The smoothie, in the bowl, on the floor, left there for hours..._

_BAD_

_IDEA. _

_(1) I've been reading too many other fanfiction _

_(2)yes i cannot remember the word 'smoothie'_

_(3) over used word of mine _

_(4)IT DOES LOOK LIKE SOME ILLEGAL WHITE POWDER!! LIKE ANTHRAX!! _

_(5) which then led to..._

__

_Ok!! I've been wanting to write this for uh...a day. But still. I CANT PRODUCE GOOD FANFICTION!! Evil, pah. Anyways, I'm guessing I'll do this for a whole week. I finally have something to do with my boring crappy life. This was a very short fic. It took me an hour to write. and there will be more graphic yaoi in the following chapters I promise! Oh well yawns I love Marik, he and Kura are my role models. That's why I'm being sent to the insane asylum. Goodbye all! DONT FORGET TO COMMENT YOU WORTHLESS FOOLS!! oh look hot pockets._


	2. Some day oo

And now for the second chapter!!! cracks knuckles And another disclaimer!!

Disclaimer: See? I even labeled it! nods Ok, here we go. I do not own Yu-gi-oh. Nor anything else in this fic. I only own $4 that was left from my $20 to get into the Yu-gi-oh movie. Which I do not own either. I also own this new card thingy that came WITH the movie!! Yea, Marik didn't get ANY screen time!! Neither did Bakura!! goes on ranting And now, without adou? (I can't spell) here is your fanfiction.

_Sunday 6:30 a.m. _

_Fuzzy...bunnies. No..NO!!! Not you...curse you...Pegasus!!_

"Marik, wake the fuck up," _Kura poked me. Hard. Right in the gut. _

"I don't wanna get up, there gonna eat me!" _I'm still halfway asleep...whatever that means. _

"The hell they aren't!! Now get up! Your interupting my sleep!! It's only 6 a damn clock!!"_ Kura's got a dirty mouth. I once made him eat soap. That was kinda funny now that you think about it. After he spit it out and started foaming at the mouth while trying to curse at me. Foam..like Mr. clean magic erasers. Don't remind me of those again. I think I threw one up. _

"I'm up...!" _he pushed me off the bed. No wait...never mind I forgot I was on the couch. Ok, so he pushed me off the COUCH. And since it's only 6, I'm going back to sleep, but its cold. Did I mention to tell you all that it got cold in this house? Why did it get cold? **I still don't know**. Which reminds me that I have no clothes on. I think my shirt fell into the remaining goey mess of smoothie and dematerialized. Whats a dematerialized? **I don't know**. So I lay on the floor, too tired, so I fall asleep. _

_8:49 a.m._

_Something is poking me. Something...pokey like...maybe a stick, or maybe Isis's fingernails. Those things hurt when put to good use. But no, it was Kura, and his dagger things. His face was pale, well, no wait his face was always pale. My mistake. _

"It's crawling twards you,"_ Kura told me that something was crawling twards me. Oh gods, was it reincarnated fluffy!! (1)_

_Nope, it was left over smo...slur...moo....slurmoshi? No...spoothei...Smoothie there we go. The smoothie was crawling twards me...with MY shirt on!! The damn thing had my shirt! I loved my shirt! Almost as much as I loved Kura!! Ok, so I love the shirt more. I'm going to poke it with a fork, or better...DAGGER!! I stole Kura's dagger, he looks angry. Oh well. DIE MULCH DIEE!!! EHEHHEEHEHE!! Bakura's strangling me now. I think I could have upset him in some way. There's smoothie crap all over the floor with a bunch of holes in it. My shirt is safe though!! Rejoice! _

"ring...ring...ring...ring...ring...ring...ring...ring...ring..ring...," said some anonomous voice.  
"Was that you kura?" _I am obviously unaware that it was the phone. Now whats making that noise?   
_"The phone Marik...the phone." _I think kura knows its the phone, but whats making that noise!  
_"ring ring ring...pick me up god dammit it's Kaiba on the other line!" said the phone.

_Ok now I'm thinking the ringing is coming from the phone, so I bounce over to pick it up!_

"Hello, you have reached Marik. Leave a message and I will listen then not give a damn and go kill something with Kura...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...takes a breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"  
"Ra dammit Marik! Will you just listen?!" _Kaiba was at the other end. He sounded mad at me for some reason. For what reason? Heck if I know. _

"Oh my god! It's a big important CEO on the other line Bakura! Oh what shall I do!?" _I ran around panicking. Well, kindof halfway panicking halfway screaming in terror. Or was that fright? Sugar high posibly? _

"Shut up Marik. I need a -twitch- 'favor' from you and Bakura," _Kaiba twitched. I know he was twitching cause it said so in the sentence. _

"I'm sorry Kaiba, but Bakura and I don't like threesomes. I'm sure you'll und..."_I didn't even get to finish my sentence before Kaiba started cursing at me. Oh joy. _

"MARIK SHUT UP! THATS NOT WHY I CALLED YOU!! Now listen. Mokuba wants to go to this 'Yu-gi-oh movie' and I can't take him because I have work. Everyone else is busy so I'm giving up my sanity by letting you take him." _Kaiba was still twitching. You can get severe brain damage from twitching. I personally know. !!_

"What makes you think we'll take him..." _I said mischiviously. _

"You know what...I'll just leave that up to Pegasus." _Oh shity crap. I'm afraid of Pegasus, which is a not-very-well-known secret of mine. Funny bunny scared me ever since I was young. Just ask Isis about it, that thing is fucked up...and it scares me!! _

"Fine then...we'll take Mokuba to this so called...movie," _Ok, now for the hard part. Oh KUUUUUUUURA!!_

later cause I'm too lazy to add what time it is...well...its somewhere around 6:49

_I think...I have discovered a form more annoying than I. Now I know what makes Kaiba ticked. I pity him...no wait...no I don't. MUAHAHAHAHA!!! cough cough choke gag cough_

"Hey Bakura...hey Bakura...hey Bakura...hey Bakura...hey Bakura...Kura...Kura...Bakura...Bakura..,"_ Thats what? The 12 millionth time that THING called Mokuba said that. I wonder what Kaiba would do if we abandoned him on the street...or give him to some hooker on the street. Or pushed him off a really tall object. Or sent him to the shadow realm...Nah. Ever since I sent all of Yami's furniture to the shadow realm, the shadows have been really pissed off at me. It was still fun to see his face though...but I still have bruises. Ok, we're here...movie...yes...time to yell at the screen, throw popcorn at random fat people, and make out.  
Oh, hey lookie! I got a free card!! MUAHAHAHAHA!! I can use this to defeat the pharoh once and for...my brain stopped._

_This movie sucks. The narrorator is so fake!! So naturally I'm yelling and laughing at the screen, until this fat dude told me to shut up, in which I threw popcorn at his head. That was quite fun until Bakura told me to knock it off. Pah, I swear the guy gets PMS or something. Even though he is a guy. Which really confuses me!! _

after the movie, 3 people being sent to the shadow realm, and Bakura getting no screen time

_That movie SUCKED. I got only what? 2 seconds of screen time? And it wasn't even me it was Malik!! Bakura got no screen time so I guess thats why he's pissed. I mean, the kid got more screen time than us! Just because he's Kaiba's brother doesn't mean he should get more screen time than us! Ok I'm finished with my random rant. _

"That movie sucked..."_ Kura said for the 15th time. I don't know if it was 15, it just sounded kinda smart. _

_ 2 seconds later_

_Oh great! Now the kids whining cause he lost his card. _(a/n: My brother really did cry after loosing his card on the way home. Lets just say, he walked home) _Now, I am twitching. Since Kura is driving...and the windows are about the same size as Mokuba...evil laughter..Oh, but then Kaiba would get mad and sick funnny bunny on me...shudders. Do I dare give my card for this kids satisfaction? Hell yea. Then he can walk home. Which is only about...10 blocks. Or paces, or miles. I never learned figures of measure. _

2 hours, and a very angry Seto Kaiba later...:D! :)! doodles !!

_MUAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!! I have no idea why I'm evilly laughing now. Eh...I guess I'll shrug it off. Me and Kura are in my room. Since I locked Isis out, cause she was kinda mad from finding out that we let Mokuba walk home. It was only a mile! Little shit needs exercise anyway. EHEHEHEHEHE...this fic needs more graphic yaoi Ms. fanfiction lady! (a/n: I'm so sorry master marik...-- pah. I told you I'd do graphic...LATER! like on...Wednesday. yes, ok you get graphic yaoi on Wednesday now leave me alone)_

_I SET THE CARPET ON FIRE! I SET THE CARPET ON FIRE! It's fun, cause I can dance around it! ! Kura's looking at me with wide eyes and is about to either A) kill me B) curse and try to put the fire out or C)order a large sofa. I think I'll go with B cause he's already cursing. I'm going to get kicked out for this. Maybe...the puppy dog eyes will work. _

_ 11: 28 p.m_

_Isis made me sleep in the basement. I don't think she's going to let me out for a while either. I'm going to rot and die in here!! There's also this little evil thing in the corner. I fear to turn the lights on, because..I think I know what it is.  
_"Hello Marik-boy," _a mysterious voice called me marik-boy. I don't like being called pet names! Only Kura can do that. Sometimes. But who would call me that who...  
_"Tell me who you are!!" _I said that bravely! I'm not afraid!! Oh, yea no wait yes I am._

_"_It is I...Pegasu.."_god this dudes voice is annoying. I still want to know who he is!_

"I SAID who are you!! Answer me vermin!" _I would have banished the thing to the shadow realm, but Isis took my millenium rod. Evil her. The voice sounds like Pegasus, but, why would Pegasus be living in my basement? Odd..._

"I said it was I, Pegasus!!" _This guy wont shut up! Can't he see I'm thinking??   
_"I'm pretty sure your voice is Pegasus's...HA! I have found you out! MUAHAHAHAHA!!"_ he should be so baffled (2) by now! AHAHAHAHA!! cough choke moo _

Pegasus sweatdropped, and ended this chapter of the fic.

(1) Marik's cat from the first part of the fic

(2) I'd like to thank Mrs. Leech for FORCING ME to learn vocabulary

AHAHAHAHA!! Pegasus will torture Marik! No wait, no he won't, he'll go insane cause of Marik. God I'm having a tough time with this stupid fic. I just got off work and started typing, and I gots writters cramp like hell!! Oh yea like I said, there will be R rated yaoi on Wednesday! Today is Monday, and there is a fly on my desk. I'd like to thank my 2 very nice reviewers, and flame the rest of you who never reviewed!! grr!! I will be acepting random things for Marik to do!! Acually I'm begging you to give me suggestions eh...Over and out.


	3. The death of Anzu

And now, my lovely reviewers I bring you Tuesday of my chapter! I would like to thank my three reviewers. My story is only two days old and I get lovely lovely reviewers! It brings me to tears that I acually acomplished something. Emotions aside, the Yu-gi-oh movie was acually ok. A little on the corney side, but ok! Tea should have died at least three different times, and the scary thing is I can name those three times! Ok, I'll stop rambling and do the disclaimer.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh cause I would have no imagination to make such a long and complicated card game. Further more, I would not have the heart to create a bimbo of a charecter as Anzu. I think I might bash her in this chapter. ehehehehe...idea. Anyway, on with the fic!

Tuesday 9:00 a.m.

_Doom doom doom dooooooom. Isis let me out of the basement when I faked dead. Pegasus left in a fleeing rush after the 200,000,000 verse of the song that never ends. You really can get bored in that cold damp dirty basement of no return. Kinda reminds me of the shadow realm, but less dark. _

_I made this square thing out of tinfoil. I found the tinfoil on the cubord of the kitchen and it just...begged for me to pick it up and make a wierd square with it! Oh, yes, a reminder. It really doesn't hurt your teeth to chew on tinfoil, unless you have fillings. I have no idea what a filling is, some random voice told me. My square reminds me of a condom...which kindof scares me, and then reminds me of what I'm going to do today. _

_BING!_

_Idea! No...that was the timer in the kitchen. Which means I've got to get out of the house before Isis makes me eat one of her evil noodle THINGS she makes. She gives hamburger helper a bad name! VERY BAD! _

--later...a few hours, minutes, heck if i know--

_Guess what!!?? Well, you can't cause your just reading this and can't reply to me, but Kura's taking me to get my drivers licence! Joy and happy day! All I have to do is drive around some cone things. It doesn't seem that hard. _

--12:52--

_Gaaah! I can't take it any longer! I wanna go drive, I wanna go drive!! Maybe if I poke Bakura enough, he'll take me now !!_

--12:53--

_I wanna...go...now...! Kura said to go wait till he was done. What was he doing in the first place? Seems like watching T.V or something useless. I WANNA GOOOOO!!_

--12:55--

_Isis locked me in the washroom. There's dirty laundry everywhere! I have to sit on top of the wash machine cause there's piles of clothes everywhere. Isis slacks off I swear! Oh, there's my shirt._

_--5:25 p.m.--_

"-twitch twitch- I'm going to die in the washroom!! When oh when will the fates bestow (cant spell) upon me the right of freedom! I have my rights as an american citizen to be free of this proposterous room! Futhermore, I should never...." _Why do people keep inturupting me? _

"MARIK, SHUT UP! WE DON'T EVEN LIVE IN AMERICA!" _Kura yells at me. If he has forgotten I was supposed to get my licence before 4:00 today. _

"But Kura!! We missed getting my licence!"_maybe if I whine enough he'll let me out. I really don't like it in here, cause this strange pile of clothes crap is slightly crawling twards me ever since I poked it. It even said my name which is even creeping me out more. I don't like this place!_

"You can't drive remember?!" _Kura yelled back at me._

_Oh yea, that's right. They banned me from driving ever since that incident with the traffic light, and the poodle and...-shudders-_

-exactly 1.25 hours later-

_I get to go shopping for Isis!! Bakura's coming with me to make sure I don't hurt/kill/send anything to the shadow realm. Lesse...we need milk, midol, and tampons. Oh no wonder Isis has been all crabby and locking me in damp/wet/can't breath places! Ok then. Oh wait...IT CAN'T BE TRUE. The object of pure good and evil is walking straight twards me! Ra, oh Ra save me!_

"HI! Oh Marik! You seem so down! Lets go talk about friendship for hours and hours on end until you finally feel better and declare your love for me!" _Anzu. The one person in all the world who can stay up for 72 hours straight and do nothing but speak of friendship. And ever since Yami threw her into a sewer and told her time after time that he DIDN'T like her, she's been pestering me to become her -shudders- boyfriend. _

"Leave me alone bitch,"_ I say coldly. This is one time in my life I cannot be crazy, or she might just take advantage of me. Going over the "101 ways to kill Anzu" in my head, I think I've finally come up with a way to finally rid of her. Lots, and lots of pure torture!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! _(a/n: Tea/Anzu lovers, please leave the room at this point of time. Or stop reading all together. Cause I think the rest of this fic might just have all Anzu bashing! My dreams have finally come true!! EHEHEHEHE!!)

"Oh Marik-KUN! I know you don't mean that! You love me and I love you! So marry me you fool! We can go back to my house and talk about friendship all night long!" _I feel like I'm going to throw up...alot. But that did it. Marik-KUN??!! No one calls me -kun! It sounds like I'm a freekin pansy or something!(1) A pansyish pansie! With like pink and purple golden petals! That was it, the evil had to go._

"I'm sorry Anzu...but your really annoying and everyone hates you. If you don't go crawl in a hole and die, I'll be forced to torture you endlessly and then throw you to the fishies!" _Ok so that last part didn't sound too "get out of my way or die" like, but it works!_

"Oh Marik-KUN! You know I'd love to..."_shut up. Please let her shut up! Ok, so she's not going to shut up. This means death. _

_I grabbed the annoying THING by the arm and dragged her into the bathroom. This ends now. I don't care what you perverted readers think, she's going to die!!! Maybe I should rape her first? No, she'd like that. -shudders- _

"M..Marik what are you doing?"_Pah, if she already doesn't know, shoot me. _

"I'm going to kill you. Now shut up," _I dunk her head in the toilet and let her drown there. At least she can't really scream or anything cause she's stuck in the water. What a great way to die. Being drown to death in a grocery store bathroom. Or I could just make it more humiliating by doing something else, but my brain stopped again. _

_Five minutes later it stopped moving, so I'm pretty sure its dead by now. _

"Marik-KUN I know..thi..s is a sign...of your love...for me.."_ This is horror. ITS STILL ALIVE! But I've thought of a better plan to torture the thing. I drag it along the sidewalk twards our/Isis's house. I'm sure Kura knows by now to grab the stuff and leave. Oh well. I drag it up into my room. Gah, its in my house. But my torture plan must be good for I let it in my house. _

(Mariks torture plan for Anzu #1: 1.Cut her ears up so they bleed, but keep them on so she can hear the screams of horror from the people who look at her. 2. Gouge out her left eye so she can still see through the right the kind of hideous looks people give her. 3. crush in her cheekbones so she's hideous. 4. shave off all her hair, but leave little patches and dye them ugly colors. 5. Mash her fingers in. 6. get rid of her figure by either A. making her starve to death or B. getting her fat.7. Yank all of her teeth out.)

-a few hours/days/minutes/seconds later-

_My torture plan has been completed. She looks like hell. Acually it's quite funny. So naturally the next thing I do is take her over to the nearest populated area and drop her off for the people to scream in terror and hopefully call the police to take it away and give it the death punishment of being the most horrifying thing on this face of the planet. Eeeexilent!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -inhale- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! But I kindof feel sorry for it. Not really.  
  
I went down to bust Anzu out of jail. I feel empty not letting the poor thing die by my hands. Oh look its crying! Oh well! EHEHEHE!!_

"I know you still love me Marik, and this is a sign that one day we'll be together in our hearts. You only did this because you know you can't have me in this lifetime. But our friendship will still strive and grow into something larger. One day we will be reuinted and I can confess my love to you again. We will be so happy, and spread our love around the world. Friendship will rule all! And then..." _Oh gods. It's rotting my brain!! Make it stop! Time to go down to the dock. _

-down at the dock-

"Anzu, I have hated you forever, and I will continue to hate you. Please die and rot." _I tied wieghts to her feet, and threw her away. _

_And that my friends, was the end of the evil creature known as Anzu Mizaki. (_sorry if I spelled her last name wrong )

But little did Marik know, as soon as Anzu hit the bottom, something...strange happened. Not really, I just said that because. But little DID Marik know, he was being stalked.

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(1) I have a wierd fetish with that word..pansy pansy pansy..I called my brother that. He didn't know what I was talking about

Sorry for such a really really short chapter guys!! Somethings wrong with my computer and it needs to be fixed I'm told there's a virus. But anyway, THANK YOU THANK YOU MY LOVELY 8 REVIEWERS! I promise to have a real surprise on Thursday's chapter! I still have to type Wednesdays...and it is Wednesday!! -panic- I will keep up with this fic though!! Oh yea, one more thing. I need suggestions! and ice cream! eh, Yes, in this chapter Anzu did die, thank kami. If you flame I will continue writing!! Thanks for no flames yet though guys, and as I promised, I'll get more graphic in the next chapter! JA NE!


	4. The return of the dead squirrel

And now my readers, after (more than) a year of me stalling and procrastinating and not giving you your proper fanfiction needs, I now am proud to present:

**From Marik's point of view**

Chapter 4

But now a word from me! –gets random rotten fruit thrown at her- Gah, well, I'm very sorry my DEAR readers for not updating when I should have. I'm so sorry! I know a lot of you liked this story (thus all the comments) so I'm coming out of hiding and finishing it, for real this time. I'm sorry if I'm a little rusty on detail (its been a while since I've watched Yu-Gi-Oh!) so please bear with me.

Wednesday:

5:43 a.m.

'Oh dear Ra what time is it!' I was just about to get up and throw the damned alarm clock out the window, when I noticed we had no alarm clock.

"Go back to bed Marik!" Bakura screamed at me. This was the fifth time I had done this in a week, and I think he was getting quite frustrated, but since I have the mental capabilities of a fish, I ignored it.

"How can I when that damned alarm clock keeps waking me up at 5:43 ½ a.m. in the morning!" I ranted.

"We don't HAVE an alarm clock." Bakura said oh so matter of factly.

"Then whats that?" I say pointing to an obviously dead squirrel on the ground that I probably killed a few chapters ago. (a/n: return of the squirrels!)

"That's the dead squirrel you killed a few chapters ago." He said, hitting me in the back of the head.

Aha! I knew it! I'm so going to happy dance now! Whooo!

"Stop that." Bakura said hitting me once again. I suppose he didn't realize the effects of his hand on the back of my head. It was causing me to loose more brain cells than I had in the first place, and that probably wasn't a good idea.

But in my deep thought I failed to notice something. The dead squirrel that had been dead (a/n: for about a year and a half since I'm such a procrastinator) had started twitching involuntarily. This probably wasn't such a good thing, but then again, who knows?

"Hey fluffy, look! That dead squirrel is moving!" I said to Bakura with amazement. It's not every day you see dead things move!

Bakura mumbled something incoherent and threw a dagger at my head. Being the super stealthful, careful, and beautiful ninja I was, it hit me directly in the head.

"Don't call me fluffy." Bakura scowled before burying himself underneath the covers.

"Ouch." I said plainly, poking at the sharp object hanging from my head, but for the sake of this fic (a/n: which still isn't done) I shall refrain from dying.

"But Kura! It's MOVING!" I said again, removing the said dagger from said skull.

By this time the squirrel had managed to stand on its own, and it almost looked like a normal squirrel, minus the rotting flesh and the fact that it looked grotesquely ugly, just like….

"Oh dear Ra." I exclaimed.

And then out of the depths of hell (aka the back yard) came the most piercing, evil, friendly laugh that anyone could have ever heard.

Anzu had returned to the world of the living, and had brought much friendship for all to share.

Bakura got out of bed, for once to come see what the annoying racket was.

"Dear Ra, its back." He said to me. "Well, your problem." He said and disappeared to some far of corner of some far off land.

The sky then turned a deep color, well, more of a lightish-pinkish color given that this IS Anzu, and friendship is one of those lightish-pinkish things, so the sky turned more of a pinkish-lightish color, but I was not about to debate this in my mind. Well, whatever mind I did have.

I was going to have a lot to deal with, and a lot of insanity to follow.

I'm used to calling her Anzu now. Hmm, well, idk it sounded better?

Horrah! Another complete chapter! –gets more fruit thrown at her- uurgh. Sorry if it wasn't as super humourous as the other three chapters, but if I could have a co-author to help me…:3 (**HINT! HINT! GIANT FREEKING HINT!)**

Thank you, and goodnight! And wait for the next chapter! More Anzu bashing, and possibly an army of dead ugly squirrels :3


	5. THE FINAL CHAPTER Omg!

Super cool narrator voice: Ladies and gentleman! Boys and girls! This is it! This is what you've all been waiting for! Can I have a drum roll please?

Cue extremely bad drum roll –

Narrator: It is time for the grand finale of….

From Marik's Point of View

The Final Chapter 

But first a word from our sponsors…err…fic lady.

First off, I would like to deeply apologize for not finishing this fic sooner. My original intent was to have it be seven chapters long, as to signify a week's worth of insanity, but after however many _**YEARS**_ it has taken me to finish this, your glad you get five. But if all of you can forgive my amazing procrastination, I'll throw in a little bonus 6th chapter for all of you Kura/Marik fans. It's the least I can do for all of my superior procrastinating skills. So, I'll begin and stop ranting, but on one final note:

R&R earns you cookies and maybe some smoothie mix ;)

Some day in between Wednesday and god knows when:

12:24 p.m.

"Oh the heart wrenching terror that hath bestow-ith this great and powerful land that has been known as the back yard!!" _I had been screaming for about an hour now for what I recall as something I've completely forgotten. I was about to give up on this random hollering, mostly because Isis had thrown random objects at me, until I slightly remembered WHY I was yelling in the first place._

_Anzu had returned from the land of dead fishies…and other such things such as dead boats and fishing poles and baby fetuses. But mostly she had returned from the dead. Oh Ra._

"Marik!" _Came the grotesque things vocal box. It kinda sounded like she was dying and choking on various random things at the same time, which is what she normally sounded like, but now it was 10x louder…and covered in rotting squirrels._

"Come with me now and we shall conquer the world together with our vows of friendship, love, rainbows, and everything else that is shiny, pretty, and covered in sparkles of loving loveliness of love!!" _Eew Ra, I was about a millisecond and ½ from loosing my lunch, but that's mostly because one of the half rotting squirrel things was trying to take my sandwich from me. I kicked it out the window and kept pretending I knew what was actually going on. _

"Woman…or…thing whatever you are!"_ I screamed at her. This was going to be one of those times where I think I actually knew what I was thinking about. But nonetheless even if I didn't know there was a rotting Anzu/squirrel pile in my backyard that stunk and needed to be severely dead. Noooow. _"Go to hell. Kthanksbye."

_Oho! I surely struck fear into the heart of the evil Anzu-pile! If it even had a heart that is, which I'm pretty sure it did anyway, since all it did was talk about lovely shit that no one really cared about. _

"My love, I cannot abide by your wishes, even though it is my utmost goal in life to satisfy your every whim! Come now, I shall take you away to the land of sparkling rainbows and other such shiny things!"_ Oh Ra I must be in hell. Even though the promise of shiny things much appealed to my mindlesnessness, I caught myself for the first time in some time and decided that shiny things just weren't worth it. _

"Ra help me get off my lawn evil friendship-spawn being! This fic is going nowhere!" (A/n: D: uh, lack of creative process going on here, its been a while)

_Hmm…I wonder what Kura is doing? Completely forgetting that the evil Anzu-bitch-monster was still inhabiting the back lawn, I trollop-ed away to find out what my lovely Bakura was up to._

"Fluffy my looooooooooooooove!"_ I jumped on Kura. I don't think he really appreciated that because now he was glaring quite evilly at me. I swear his glares could burn holes in people. Do I smell smoke? Mmm, must be Isis's cooking. _

"What do you want Marik!?" _Uh oh, Kura's angry! But then again, is he ever NOT angry? __**I don't know **__Oh hey look! My bold "I don't know's" are back!! Thank you Ra!! Oh my giddiness!_

"What is that…smell?" _Kura was kinda angry at this really gross smell, which I completely forget where it actually came from. Kura went up to go look around, and stopped at the window. He looked kinda weird and funny at the same time, like the times I say or do something smart. Anyway, he was pointing to the Anzu-pile._

_Oh. Snapcakes. Anzu-pile._

"I'll take care of it."_ Oh! He's so sexy when he's all brave and smart looking and brave and smart like!! I am in loooove! Oh hey look, smoothie mix._

Due to the graphic nature of this scene the network…err…author has blocked its contents due to its graphic violence, crude language, adult situations, and craptasticness. For your viewing pleasure we have added in absolutely nothing except for this random paragraph. We hope you enjoy.

We now return to your regular broadcasting.

_Uh, I'm not quite sure what just happened. All of the sudden I hear this loud freakish noise while I am trying to make my delicious smoothie. Some people are so inconsiderate! But now I remember something about the Anzu-pile cuz my smoothing mix looks freakishly like her. I don't think I'm hungry anymore._

"Kura! Kura, did you kill it? Did you Kura huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh??" _I hope he did! Cuz that would be pretty awesomeness and I would kinda be happy since there would actually be some sort of plot going on in this insanenessisms. _

"Shut it."_ He seemed very angry and aggressive, which makes me horny and such and is really the only thing on my mind other than insane ramblings that really make no sense at all._

_Kura pointed out the window as he randomly disappeared somewhere. Probably to clean off the liquid shiny pink goo that was covering him. I'm pretty sure it came from the Anzu-pile, but I really don't know where it could have come from. Maybe the Anzu-pile, but I really want to know where it came from!!_

_I looked out the window to see this condensed rotting pink pile that could have been the Anzu-pile, but in smaller, more condensed form. And without the entire half rotted icky squirrel-beasties._

_Yeah Ra!! I was doing my half-naked victory butt-shake when Kura came back from being randomly disappeared somewhere. He seemed content for once and I was slightly horrified, but continued with my amazing ass-dance._

"I'd really hate to see things from your point of view"_ he sighed. Ah, good old Kura. I love him so. _

Still someday in between Wednesday and god knows when:

5:34 p.m.

_Ah, what a bright sunny morning! The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the children were playing oh so gleefully. Mostly though, the sun was shining. Still, in my face, and still, annoying the living whatnots out of me._

"Kura shut off that adamned alarm clock!"_ Oh man I hate mornings. Cept for the coffee. Isis still hasn't figured out that caffeine does strange and awkward things to my body and gives me this amazing …_

"Marik, we don't have an alarm clock, we're at the beach, and its 5:34 p.m." _Oh yeah… that's right. Ever since Kura did the unexplainable to the Anzu-pile, I've been busy throwing its remnants into the ocean. Pity to the child who grows extra limbs from THAT toxic waste. But not really. AHAHAHAHAHAHAH –coughack-haaaaaaaaa!_

_Still, through all of the random insaneness of what just happened and which half of what I really don't remember, well, I guess one things still true:  
_

_Really, still _**I don't know.**

End.

Oh my god you guys!! I rejoice! But yet, I am still very sad that this fic has to come to an end. This was my first real fic with more than one chapter, and it's the only one I've really finished (even though it took me three years or so). I feel tears of joy coming on! If you review now, I swear I'd be the happiest fangirl to ever live!

But seriously, thank you all so much for reading, even though it was a pile of crack pretty much. If anyone has any ideas for the next fic please let me know. Also, I'll throw in an extra 6th chapter full of actual Kura/Marik-ness if you say please ;)

Thank you…goodnight!


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